Sunday, October 9, 2011

Give Hate a Holiday

I’m back in my hometown of Tupelo, MS preparing for a press conference I’m participating in tomorrow. A press conference organized by Joe Wilson, who recently made the documentary film Out In The Silence.
When I saw that Joe had organized an event entitled:

GIVE HATE A HOLIDAY
Take a Stand for Justice & Equality for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender & All People
Tupelo, Mississippi
October 10, 2011

I knew I had to be a part of it. The event includes a protest of the American Family Association’s hate speech, as well as a town hall Q/A afterwards. Since most of my life, I’ve been lamenting my lack of awareness or involvement in the civil rights movement of Mississippi in the 60’s, I thought WOW, here’s a chance to step up. And who better to do it, than me. A native Tupeloian.

So here I am on the eve of probably one of the most important events I ever participated in, thrilled, eager, excited, nervous, but mostly clear. Clear in my intention, clear in what I need to say and do. Clear in knowing that this is the time to get off the mat and go into the world. Here is what I will say:


My name is Tim Jordan and I’m from Tupelo, MS. Although I’ve lived in California for the past 20 years, this is my home. In fact, this very building, a former Baptist Church, is where I served as youth pastor my senior year at Tupelo High School. I gave a sermon in 1979 on God’s love for everyone.

In spite of the fact that I was speaking of God’s love for everyone that day, ironically I didn’t believe that God could love me. I had no problem accepting and loving others, but I couldn’t accept or love myself. Because you see, at 18 years old, I knew I was gay. I also knew that I loved God. But what I couldn’t understand was why someone like me, who loved God so much, would be not be loved in return.

So I suffered in silence. Afraid to tell anyone about my feelings. Terrified of rejection from my friends, my family, all the people I loved and cared about so much. So I prayed and studied the Bible as much as I could. I went on youth missions, led Bible Study Groups, served as a missionary in West Africa, and did everything else I could to try and get God to love and accept me. I also thought that if I tried hard enough I could make these feelings, that I had known all my life, go away.

But the feelings only intensified, and my confusion and pain became almost unbearable at times. I never considered suicide, but I understand how people could. The very essence of my being seemed to be in direct conflict with the creator of the Universe. How could that be? I just couldn’t understand. So I did what I had to do. Reject God. Otherwise, I knew I wouldn’t survive. And suicide became a potential reality.


I eventually lost the majority of my friends from the church. They were simply unable to reconcile my being gay with their religious beliefs. That rejection was painful, but with the support of new friends, I was able to start reconciling my forgotten faith with my passionate love for God.

I am here today because I want to speak out for love. God’s love for everyone. Especially God’s love for gay youth. For gay youth who feel like I felt. I want them to know no one can take God’s love away from you. No one can rob you of your faith. Not even Christians who claim to know God. I don’t want any gay man or woman to have to suffer in silence like I did, because they feel that they are a mistake. Because they feel unlovable.

Today is such a sweet full circle for me. To be here in this space, to reclaim that sermon I gave 32 years ago. To reclaim it for myself and for every gay man and woman in Tupelo and throughout the world. The message that God dearly loves us all.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Why are you on a Spiritual Path?

Reflections on Evolutionary Enlightenment by Craig Hamilton

Is your motivation really deep enough? Is it simply to feel better, to gain inner peace, self fulfillment? How do you find the will or the motivation to live from a deeper place?

These are some of the compelling questions coming up from my Evolutionary Enlightenment course that has generated much contemplation. Craig goes on to explain that if our motivation is merely hedonic in nature, we will fall short when asked to live our lives from a more evolved perspective. A perspective beyond ego. It’s explained more thoroughly in what he calls the 4 spheres of Enlightened Motivation. The first sphere is realizing our interdependence. We are not an island. Our lives are not our own. We don’t have a private life. Everything we do affects the whole in visible and in invisible ways. Our actions send out ripples. How we show up in our life on a daily basis affects everyone we encounter. So to be a participant in evolving thought on this planet, do we really have the luxury to think that we are an independent entity?

I’ve been sitting with this for a few weeks now and have tried to simply develop awareness around my daily decisions. When I decide to do or not do something, ask myself why? Is this simply for my own benefit, or could I make a different choice and benefit someone else? When I’m about to criticize someone or something, to share my opinion, what do I hope to achieve by sharing these ideas? Will my words generate virtue in others, or will it contribute to endless faultfinding, anger, and negativity? Something we certainly could do with less of in our world. If my actions and intentions were sending out influential ripples on the minds of others, wouldn’t it behoove me to be more selective about my output?

So as I contemplate interdependence, I’m forced to view my relationship to this precious human life in a very different way. My life is not my own to do with as I please. Those are pretty powerful words to embrace, to embody, to live. But they are true, whether we choose to abide by them or not. Interconnectivity is both spiritual and scientific. The question is how much impact do I really want to have on my world today? Am I committed to being a positive force for change? If so, I will have to push the pause button on my mind many times during the day to ask myself the question: What is the most evolved response I can have to this situation? If my motivation for spiritual practice is simply to feel better, I probably won’t make the higher choice. Choices for anyone living life from this place, will often be harder, more uncomfortable, perhaps even painful or fearful. But if our intention is to live in service to the greater good, we will stretch, we will respond with conviction. To act from this place, even though every cell in our being is screaming RETREAT! go to safer ground, curl up on the sofa and watch TV, is to act from our deepest spiritual center. There is indeed no time left to take a break from having an impact.

Friday, July 8, 2011

What is the Highest Aspiration for your own life contribution?

What is your highest aspiration for your own life contribution? What do you most want to be able to give to the World, Life, Humanity, the Cosmos, or God?

Certainly a question that begs contemplation.

I recently began Craig Hamilton’s 9 week online course called “Integral Enlightenment: Awakening to an Evolutionary Relationship to Life. “ This was our opening discussion question. Virtually, of course. There are 1200 people from all over the world taking this course.

I’ve been thinking along these lines for quite some time, especially since returning from India. What exactly are my highest ideals? What kind of imprint do I want to leave in the world? How do I want to do it? Where do I want to do it?

I’ll admit I’ve been a bit restless at times, living in LA. In the back of mind, for many reasons, I’m thinking I should be working with Doctors Without Borders somewhere in Central Africa or India. I ask myself wouldn’t my life be more meaningful there, wouldn’t I be making more of a significant contribution? The West has everything it needs and more. I could serve the world better by being anywhere but LA. I’m not attached to it and I’m happy to leave anytime.

However, everything that unfolds for me throughout the course of every day, indicates otherwise. In addition, I’ve had enough spiritual teaching in my life to know better. It’s just been something that has been annoyingly persistent in the back of my mind. Or more honestly the forefront of my mind. Until now.

So if my highest ideals are service, giving, loving, healing, inspiring, then the only question , really, is…does my life reflect that today, here, now? Are my activities of daily living consistent, and in alignment with these ideals? Such a great question!

Of course there are days when it doesn’t feel that way, but in general I feel overwhelmingly blessed by getting to do the things in life that bring me the most joy. Here in LA. Seeing my yoga classes grow, seeing the healing power of mantra in the lives of people as I lead kirtan, coming in contact with great spiritual teachers who help me to unveil hidden inner wisdom and compassion, are the things that charge me, excite me, and propel to keep evolving. To keep giving, serving, loving, and inspiring.

May all of our lives be in alignment with our highest ideals. And as my dear teacher Max Strom often ends his yoga classes, “May we teach peace in the only way it can be taught, by example.”

Namaste

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Turning 50

The past few weeks have been rather interesting as I’ve just allowed myself to explore what turning 50 means. It’s such a milestone, probably one of the biggest ones, and I’ve just wanted to spend some time mulling it over before putting my thoughts on paper.

The illusion of time has proven to be even more of an illusion to me now. I don’t know where it has gone. I’ve lost track of it, it seems to be speeding up, it used to be slower, there’s no more of it to kill, etc. What is it, this crazy thing, time? I was this person at a previous time, then I was that person, now I’m this person again. It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me when I look at the passage of time from 1961-2011, my 50 years here on the planet so far. So many radical changes over the years. So many incarnations of Tim. Whew, exhausting to think about.

I feel stronger, healthier, and happier now than in any of the previous decades. Shouldn’t I be getting younger rather than older? Shouldn’t I have more life ahead than behind? Geez, I feel like I’m just getting started. And just like that, 50 years, poof. It ‘s such irony, maybe a cruel irony depending on your view of death, that just when you start to let your life ebb and flow more freely, you’re on the downward curve of your time.

Because of my Buddhist practice, I think and meditate on death frequently. It fuels my passion for the sacredness of precious human life. And yes, I know death is inevitable, natural, and necessary. But like everyone, I hope to put it off for as long as possible. That’s why I live life the way I do today, to improve the quality of each day, and to pile virtue onto my mental continuum for the next life.

But even with all this knowledge and awareness, I still find myself wanting to put on the brakes a bit and slow this aging process down. I’m happy to be 50. As is commonly stated, it beats the alternative. But that number, that finite number, 50. A not so subtle reminder that I don’t have too many more numbers to play with. Everyone has a number. And I must admit, up until this point, I haven’t given it too much thought. However, now, it’s boldly commanding my attention.

Here’s what it’s saying. There’s no more time for:

wondering what if, self doubt, lack of confidence, shame, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough, not forgiving, not living authentically, playing small, getting stuck, holding back, not believing in goodness, pushing love away, bottling passion.

Time is now. Life is today. 50 is a wonderful number, a gift that I embrace. It has helped me to affirm that: Divinity resides within, The world is my teacher, I am guided by higher power, and I am guided by inner wisdom.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Why I teach yoga, part 2.

The first time I answered this question it had more to do with my personal practice. This latest collection of reasons has more to do with others.

I asked the students in my Senior Class to describe what yoga means to them. I had given them textbook definitions of the meaning of yoga during class, but I wanted to hear what their personal definitions were.

Here is what they had to say:

Your yoga class has helped me to become more flexible. It's helped my balance, improved my posture, & increased my strength (by standing on one leg at a time, for example.) It's made me aware how breathing can be controlled to be stress relieving & calming. You remind us not to be judgmental or critical of others, or ourselves. You remind us to think positively, & you remind us that there are a lot of things to be thankful for.
Thank you for teaching the class!
Namaste.
Darice

Yoga, to me, is a "pleasant" form of meditation! Because of yoga I feel that I am gaining more awareness of my physical body and my daily surroundings, life, nature, etc. - all good for the soul. I also feel that my focus and my mind is gradually improving.
Thank you!
Eleonore and... Namaste

Thanks! Your class is great!
My definition of yoga is one that I've taught for 40 years in world religion classes to adolescents and adults and that is the root of the word yoga is the same as "religio" -- to bind or yoke. There are a number of types of yoga, each one reminding the practitioner to bind or yoke their intellect, body, emotion, or anything else to the one who has given us LIFE. The mission of my religious order comes from the Gospel of John:10:10 "That all may have life, life to the full."
Namaste
Gretchen

Yoga is very important to me and it is even more evident when I miss a class. The quiet time, the physical benefits, opportunities to spend time with my friends and of course a great teacher!!

Nancy


Yoga is an altogether too brief interlude of focusing on just me and how things are "working". Afterward, everything seems to be back where it belongs and the day is so comfortable. After yoga, when I get up from having sat for awhile, there is no need to "unfurl" myself. I can just get up and go!
Love it!!
MAJ

I feel so comfortable in knowing that no matter how sore I get --- that I can stretch it out. Yea!!!
Namaste!! L.H.

Yoga = Calmness and Serenity
Breathing = Well Being and good posture
Norma

Yoga means so much to me. It allows me to find my balance in every way possible, muscularly, breathing, physically between the inside of me and my surrounding, in relation to other people, mentally and emotionally and spiritually. Our class is a practice space, a your teaching and caring builds my skills and then I go out into the world a little changed, perhaps innoculated from experiences that can lead to inbalance (and I have a teen, so those experiences are a given).
Yoga for me is a part of my ongoing growth experience.
Thank you and I love the emails.
Namaste
Liz

Sthira Sukham Asanam
Namaste
Dennis

When I’m tempted to get angry, I remember yoga and I’m not so angry.
Ursula

Tim, thank you so much for a wonderful experience yesterday and the peace and calmness it brought. Your class is truly a blessing and is the only time that I "really" let go of my daily thoughts. There is something magical about your class that surprises me (in that my daily duty seems to be to save the world - LOL). Anyway, thank you for taking the time and putting in the effort to make our Saturday truly special.


The thing that is so inspiring to me is that the majority of these comments are from folks in their late 60’s/early 70’s who have never practiced yoga before. They come from all different backgrounds, and different religious persuasions. Some work, some are retired, some are Catholic Nuns, some never go to church, some have studied yoga philosophy, some, or most, didn’t know the meaning of Namaste. It’s all just a simple testament to how universally healing this practice is, no matter when one comes into it.

I’ve been teaching some of them for over a year now, and love seeing how the practice has brought so much joy into their lives. Our time together every week is very simple. We breathe a little, we move a little, we come together as a community, and we leave with a little less stress, and a lot more peace.

Namaste, to the Senior Citizens of the North Hollywood Community Center

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

What 2010 has meant to me

Once again I’m on a plane. Since I’ve flown over 75,000 miles this year it’s starting to feel like my office, or my meditation cushion, or my yoga mat. I’ve discovered it’s a great place to plan, to think, to reflect, to dream, to imagine, to hope, to let go, to rejoice, to cry. It’s all there at 36,000 feet.

This time I’m on my way to Kuaui to go on a 4 day hiking excursion and then get some R and R on the Big Island for a week. So my mind is spacious, and my heart is light. Especially when I reflect on the amazing year that 2010 has been. I love this time of year, the ending and the beginning all kind of happening at the same time. Just like the continuum that life in reality really is, I suppose. But it’s so important for me to acknowledge and embrace all that was and all that will be. Funny isn’t it, how we never really know how the year will unfold. We set intentions, make New Years resolution, and then bravely step forward into possibility. From a Buddhist perspective, there’s also that element of ripening karma to consider. But that’s a big unknown as well.

Looking back into 2010, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude, joy, and humility when I sit in stillness and absorb all that was and continues to be: my perfect health, my loving family and friends, the wonderful teachers who have guided me, the wonderful students who have inspired me, my generous friends Jared and Maite, who have provided me a home, my yoga practice, my meditation practice, my surprisingly successful business. So many gifts, so much richness. My own little Pure Land in LA, where the peaceful externals have matched the peaceful internals. I’m not sure it takes much a spiritual practitioner to accomplish that. But I’ll take it and simply, humbly, say Thank You.

Of course who knows what 2011 holds. My wish is that I will be able to embrace whatever unfolds with the same mind of gratitude, humility and joy. My yoga teacher starts her classes asking us to set an intention. “What do you want to bring in? What do you want to get rid of? And be as specific as possible. Plant that intention like you’re planting a seed.” Specifically, I would like to bring in more healing. Both to myself and to others. Once a nurse, always a nurse as they say. My practices of yoga, breathing, and meditation have opened that door beyond my wildest imagination this year. More in 2011 please. Specifically, I would like to get rid of judgment. Both of myself and others. It’s such a painfully useless mind, and it blocks the flow of love.

These are my wishes. I resolve to accomplish them as best as I can. But if I don’t, or if I don’t accomplish them in the way I imagined, my only wish is to surrender, to forgive, and accept. It’s so very OK to be human. I seem to forget that sometimes. So maybe a better goal this year is simply to embrace humanness.

Namaste