Sunday, October 9, 2011

Give Hate a Holiday

I’m back in my hometown of Tupelo, MS preparing for a press conference I’m participating in tomorrow. A press conference organized by Joe Wilson, who recently made the documentary film Out In The Silence.
When I saw that Joe had organized an event entitled:

GIVE HATE A HOLIDAY
Take a Stand for Justice & Equality for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender & All People
Tupelo, Mississippi
October 10, 2011

I knew I had to be a part of it. The event includes a protest of the American Family Association’s hate speech, as well as a town hall Q/A afterwards. Since most of my life, I’ve been lamenting my lack of awareness or involvement in the civil rights movement of Mississippi in the 60’s, I thought WOW, here’s a chance to step up. And who better to do it, than me. A native Tupeloian.

So here I am on the eve of probably one of the most important events I ever participated in, thrilled, eager, excited, nervous, but mostly clear. Clear in my intention, clear in what I need to say and do. Clear in knowing that this is the time to get off the mat and go into the world. Here is what I will say:


My name is Tim Jordan and I’m from Tupelo, MS. Although I’ve lived in California for the past 20 years, this is my home. In fact, this very building, a former Baptist Church, is where I served as youth pastor my senior year at Tupelo High School. I gave a sermon in 1979 on God’s love for everyone.

In spite of the fact that I was speaking of God’s love for everyone that day, ironically I didn’t believe that God could love me. I had no problem accepting and loving others, but I couldn’t accept or love myself. Because you see, at 18 years old, I knew I was gay. I also knew that I loved God. But what I couldn’t understand was why someone like me, who loved God so much, would be not be loved in return.

So I suffered in silence. Afraid to tell anyone about my feelings. Terrified of rejection from my friends, my family, all the people I loved and cared about so much. So I prayed and studied the Bible as much as I could. I went on youth missions, led Bible Study Groups, served as a missionary in West Africa, and did everything else I could to try and get God to love and accept me. I also thought that if I tried hard enough I could make these feelings, that I had known all my life, go away.

But the feelings only intensified, and my confusion and pain became almost unbearable at times. I never considered suicide, but I understand how people could. The very essence of my being seemed to be in direct conflict with the creator of the Universe. How could that be? I just couldn’t understand. So I did what I had to do. Reject God. Otherwise, I knew I wouldn’t survive. And suicide became a potential reality.


I eventually lost the majority of my friends from the church. They were simply unable to reconcile my being gay with their religious beliefs. That rejection was painful, but with the support of new friends, I was able to start reconciling my forgotten faith with my passionate love for God.

I am here today because I want to speak out for love. God’s love for everyone. Especially God’s love for gay youth. For gay youth who feel like I felt. I want them to know no one can take God’s love away from you. No one can rob you of your faith. Not even Christians who claim to know God. I don’t want any gay man or woman to have to suffer in silence like I did, because they feel that they are a mistake. Because they feel unlovable.

Today is such a sweet full circle for me. To be here in this space, to reclaim that sermon I gave 32 years ago. To reclaim it for myself and for every gay man and woman in Tupelo and throughout the world. The message that God dearly loves us all.