Friday, December 18, 2009

Finding my groove thing

I can’t believe it’s December, and 2009 is coming to an end. So many twists and turns. Mostly ups, a few downs, but an incredibly adventurous richly blessed, full life. (See previous blog entries). However, with so many new and exciting encounters, sometimes the mundane came seem a bit, well, mundane. Like working and other activities of daily living.

I guess I’ve been searching for some sort of routine since I’ve been back from India, but it’s proven to be elusive, until now. It seems I’ve managed to actually find one of sorts. I’ve moved into the lovely home of my dear friends in Glendale. And it has proven to be just the place I’ve needed. For quite some time I think. I had kind of forgotten how fun it was to share such things like dinner, chores, enlightening conversations, movies, and laughter. Living alone can be wonderful, but isolating at times. It’s nice to find the middle way of sorts. Balance. It’s nice to be here.

I’m back to working long 12 hour days in the world of Clinical Research and surprisingly loving it. I’m enjoying my new perspective on work as a business owner. Amazing how that shift has occurred. I’m so happy to working after a year long respite. I think I’m just happy to have a little income again. Gotta make some money to pay for these $22 LA yoga classes. I never imagined the pursuit of enlightenment would be so costly. ;) That’s for another blog entry.

So here’s the mundane. Work, 7AM-7PM 3 days a week, Fridays off to teach Yoga, Sanskrit class on Thursday nights, Yoga Sutra Class on Sundays, Project Angel Food meal deliveries on Friday afternoons, daily family dinners, dog walking in the Glendale Hills, and lots of love on the home front. Not so bad for mundane. My yoga and meditation practice have been so grounding while I’ve been floating around all over the world in pursuit of all the joy I can possibly experience in this lifetime. So far so good.

This holiday season, my prayer is that everyone will experience happiness, be free from suffering, and experience a peaceful mind of equanimity. Or as we say in Sanskrit:

Sarve Bhavantu Sukinah Sarve Santu Niramayaah Sarve Bhadrani Pasyantu Ma Kaschid Dukha Bhag Bhavet. OM SHANTI SHANTI SHANTI.

Friday, November 27, 2009

In Gratitude

This is the time of year when collectively we are reminded to give thanks. But for yogis and really anyone on a path of awareness, everyday is Thanksgiving. Not a day goes by that we are not aware of our blessings, freedoms, and incredibly good fortune. Expressing gratitude is something we’re able to do at anytime. Because most of us live in North America, Australia or Western Europe, there is really never a time when we can’t find something to be grateful for. And the added benefit…happy mind. It’s impossible not to be happy when feeling grateful. It automatically lifts the mind out of any funk.

Good thing, because my mind has been a bit funky lately. Once again, I’ve rooted myself up from the safety of the familiar and launched into the world of possibility, as I like to think of it (although it feels like a world of uncertainty and uneasiness). I’ve rented out my condo indefinitely and I spent the past few weeks staying with some wonderfully generous friends. Tomorrow I move in with different wonderfully generous friends, where I will stay put until the end of March. At least that’s the plan now. Who knows after March. I’m working full time in Anaheim until then, teaching Senior yoga, and volunteering with Project Angel Food. Hmm, I’m kind of happy. So I will just continue to remain open to all possibilities. Moving up north in the spring, staying here, or going somewhere else. I’ve decided it really doesn’t matter. The less attached I am to any of it, the happier I am.

I just finished reading Highest Duty, My Search for What Really Matters, by Captain Sully Sullenberger, the pilot who landed the plane in the Hudson earlier this year. It’s one of the most inspirational books I’ve ever read. An ordinary man (in his eyes), living such a richly meaningful life, and performing an extraordinary deed. One of his most inspiring stories was he and his wife’s unsuccessful attempt to summit Mt Whitney. He spoke of how humbling the mountain was. How it showed him the insignificance of the daily life stuff. Yet inspired him to live life "with passion and purpose, and by doing so reminds others of what is possible."

He closed that chapter with a Hopi Indian poem:

"There is a river flowing now so very fast,

It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid.

They will try to hold on to the shore.

They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly

Know the river has its destination.

The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river,

Keep our eyes open and our heads above water"


May we all have the courage to leave the shore and live our lives in the middle of the river.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Vipassana, the gift that keeps on giving

Anicha--etymology: from Pali, impermanence, law of change, what arises will pass

I was on my way home from North Carolina last week and while sitting in the airport felt an intense emotional sadness. As a tear was running down my cheek, I felt kind of strange. On the surface, I was feeling frustrated at unmet expectations of the new job, anxious due to current transitions, and lonely, well just lonely. But on a deeper level , I felt calm and assured. I knew in that moment that these emotions were all so very temporary. I was aware of their origin and their tentativeness. So it allowed me to feel the tear, feel the sadness, and let it be what it was. Sad.

Anicha, Anicha, Anicha.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Employment Eve

I’m coming up on my year anniversary of joblessness, and am filled with awe.  Awed at how wonderfully magical, inspiring, terrifying, and challenging it has been.  I think back to that weekend in March 2008 with Tony Robbins when I gave myself freedom to dream, freedom to imagine, freedom to set out on the adventure of a lifetime.

I remember vividly during the weekend we participated in something known as the Dicken’s Experience.  In short, it goes something like this:  imagine your life in 5, 10, 15 and 20 year increments. Imagine that at each of these milestones you are still holding on to the same fears and insecurities that limit you in the present moment. And that even after 20 years you are still resisting and settling for comfort. Settling for the illusion of the known, the safety of the familiar.  Now imagine all the people who will NOT have the opportunity to benefit from your kindness, your gifts, your love, your passion, your vision. Imagine all the people who will continue to struggle and suffer with pain and inner turmoil because they never had the opportunity to see how richly a life could be lived.   They never had the opportunity to meet YOU. You didn’t spend time with them helping them along their path because you were afraid of what people would say. Afraid that you would suck if you tried something new and looked silly. Afraid that you would fail. Afraid that you wouldn’t be loved. Imagine how all that would feel after 20 years.  Imagine how it would feel when you arrived at the end of your life. Imagine.

YEAH! Motivational, huh. It certainly got me out of the door and on my way.  That, and Merck giving me the boot. Thank you, Merck.

Not to say that I don’t still struggle with the aforementioned, because I do. To some degree, I’m confronted with those fears almost every day of my life. But as Vipassana Meditation has taught me. You don’t have to respond to it. Observe it, recognize what’s going on, and keep moving. Dance with the fear. Have to, since it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Might as well make the best of it.  If someone asks you to do something, just say yes, and figure out the “how to” later.  I’m trying it and it’s actually working.  I’m teaching yoga to Seniors now. And really loving it.

So once again, I’m on the eve of yet another transition. The world seems to be in constant motion and so am I.  Consequently stillness can sometimes appear elusive.

Spaces and gaps are not my favorite places.  But finding stillness in the motion most certainly is. 

Monday, October 12, 2009

Vipassana Report

It’s been a week now since I have returned from this wonderfully transformative retreat and am still trying to process all that happened. Like any intense spiritual experience on the mountaintop, it can be awkward returning to the valley, both literally and figuratively.  I’m trying to do what we did for 10 days, observe the sensations.

The Vipassana technique essentially involves just that. Scan through your body and observe the sensations as they arise without craving the feel good ones, and without avoiding the not so feel good ones.  Developing equanimity at the most subtle level of mind possible.  This, according to Vipassana, is the ticket to personal liberation.

I can’t begin to capture all that I experienced during this spiritual marathon.  I’m just so happy to have completed it without totally losing my mind. Starting at 430am and continuing until 9pm(with breaks of course) everyday was a daunting task for anyone, experienced meditator or not.  A couple of times during the sessions where we were instructed not to physically move for one hour, I thought--if I make it through without completely ripping off my clothes and running naked through the adjacent field, I will consider myself successful.  Challenging is putting in mildly. But that’s the nature of the mind isn’t it. Anywhere but here. That’s why I’m so distracted when I try to embrace stillness. My mind loves to dart away and be busy with planning the future, or craving the past.  Craving, avoiding, craving, avoiding…contributes to so much mental pain and suffering. 

So that’s what I did on my summer vacation--looked at the fluctuations of my mind. And yes, though it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, the rewards are immeasurable. Just developing better concentration is reason enough for celebration. All that constant chatter in my head really wears me down. Constant repetition of the same deluded thoughts.  Not hearing that for longer and longer periods of time brought so much peace. THAT’s what I want to incorporate more into my life.  I’ve actually decided it’s my life’s work, being present.  Because there is nothing but peace in the present moment.

That is my gift from Vipassana.  Accepting my life as it presents itself today. My happiness is now. Not when I achieve this, or when I accomplish that. It’s now, today. If not today, then never.

So today I celebrate all these and other wonderful gifts I have received during the past year.  I never dreamed I would take a year off and embark on this journey of a lifetime.  I’m overwhelmed with gratitude and humility.   

I return to the working world in 2 weeks. Dreams in motion continue.

 

Monday, September 21, 2009

Vipassana Meditation

“Vipassana is a way of self-transformation through self-observation.  It focuses on the deep interconnection between mind and body, which can be experienced directly by disciplined attention to the physical sensations that form the life of the body, and that continuously interconnect and condition the life of the mind.  It is this observation-based, self exploratory journey to the common root of mind and body that dissolves mental impurity, resulting in a balanced mind full of love and compassion.” www.dhamma.org

On the eve of embarking on yet another new experience, I find myself in a bit of a daze. Reading the above and trying to imagine what the next 10 days will be like, is both fascinating and terrifying. Observing my breath, my mind, for such an extended period of time.  Whew! I’m not totally sure I want to see what’s in there.  But I think back to those prisoners on death row in an Alabama prison who completed this retreat, and I am humbled to have this opportunity.

The timing could not be more perfect.  What a way to end this most magnificent, dream of a year. 

May we all be more loving, and compassionate. And may we live peace by example.

OM

Monday, September 14, 2009

Hold Everything!

I’ve certainly been here before. Make plans, get everything ready to go, move forward, and then something happens. Life.  Life happens. I’m kind of getting used to it by now I suppose. That’s why I don’t take myself too seriously these days.

I was all set to leave for Hawaii next month when I got a phone call from an Executive Recruiter offering me a potential job.  And not just a job, but the exact job I had been requesting. Something that paid a lot of money and only lasted for 3 or 4 months. Interestingly and coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, that’s exactly what I was offered. I officially accepted the job today and will start on Oct 29, finishing up on Feb 28. PERFECT!    Hawaii can wait until the spring. I need cash!

So I’m on my way. On my way to living the lifestyle that I have imagined would be the ideal one. Work as a consultant on short-term research projects, and make enough money to be able to take short or long periods of time off to travel, to teach, to explore, to take and give workshops, learn new skills, etc. There is so much I want to learn; so much I want to give.  It’s hard to believe it’s been a year since I’ve had a job. I never in a million years would have imagined that.  But it’s truly been the best year of my life. So many gifts, so many blessings. 

Looking back this time last year, I remember being terrified to quit my job and take this leap.  The unknown is pretty scary I admit. But it’s becoming less and less so. It’s only a matter of time before the unknown becomes the known, and by then it just seems almost mundane. 

All this has taught me to continue to exercise the courage muscle and to keep moving forward.  The rewards are listed throughout this blog.

“What if today we realized that all of our dark spots were illusory?”—tim jordan

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Spaces and Gaps

Pema Chodron, in her book When Things Fall Apart talks about not causing harm, or refraining. She says mindfulness is the ground, refraining is the path. “Because of mindfulness, we see our desires and our aggression, our jealousy, our ignorance. We don’t act on them, we just see them.” Refraining she says, is “not grabbing for entertainment the minute we feel a slight edge of boredom coming on. It’s the practice of not immediately filling up space just because there’s a gap.”

Spaces and gaps. There seems to be an awful lot of those in my life lately. Mindfulness has helped me to look at them. Refraining has caused me to feel like screaming sometimes. My samskaras or old  habits are saying fill  the gap, fill the space. Do something like:  Get a job (easier said than done these days). Start contributing to your 401K again.  Settle down in one place.  Quit moving.  Not that any of those things are inherently bad, it’s just that something inside my gut says stay where you are. Keep going on this path. This path that keeps taking more twists and turns.  Damn, I would love to see where it’s all leading.  But I just don’t have a clue. At times I’m titillated by the uncertainty, and at times I’m in a total panic. And so I sit in this space, this gap, and wait.  Active waiting I like to call it. I’ve been throwing things out there, wherever “there” is, putting some energy into them, and waiting to see what comes back.

So far the following has come back:

I will be in Southern Washington September 23-Oct 4 for a Vipassana Meditation Retreat. I’ve wanted to do it for years and now seems to be the perfect time.  10 days, 10 hours a day of silence and mindfulness meditation.  Then starting October 15, I will be working at Kalani Retreat Center in Hawaii(www.kalani.com). Also something I’ve wanted to do for a number of years.  The timing, the inner gut thing, all seem to be in line.  At least for now. There’s a back door, of course. But for now this is the plan. Rent my place out again and continue on with this journey of dreams.

In the mean time, I’m continuing to load up on yoga workshops and classes, teaching as much as I know, working on developing a website for meditation and yoga, and trying not to fidget when I’m tempted to second guess the gut thing.  

 

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Time

Having spent the past 2 weeks driving through Northern California and the Oregon Coast, I have realized that the gift I have been given is time.  So often we don’t do things in life due to the lack of it.  We are bound to jobs or families that make indulgence in this wonderful gift impossible.  In addition, having a little money left over from India is enabling me to continue living out my dreams.  Traveling to new places and having extended visits with old friends. Nothing could be richer. It has added such sweetness to this incredible year.

I was invited by a dear friend to visit Portland. “You must move here” I was told. So I decided if that was the case, I should at least visit for awhile and play with the idea. I set out 2 weeks ago and drove through the amazing California redwoods, and the spectacular Oregon coast.  It was wonderfully therapeutic for me as I was able to spend so much time alone driving through the spectacular scenery.  I hardly even listened to music. I was so captivated by the magnificence of what I was seeing.  The trees, the beach, the mountains all so majestic. They command reverence. I think that’s why I didn’t want to listen to anything that would distract me. I just wanted to be present and enjoy my present…time. 

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Adjustments

Being patient with yourself will help you more in your soul’s journey than frustration at your perceived lack of progress. Doing the best you can in your quest for spiritual growth is vastly more important than striving for perfection.” www.dailyom.com

A friend of mine reminded me that I had sent this to her awhile back.  How nice to get your own advice while navigating the bumpy seas of change and adjustment.

So how is it to be back in LA? Well, it’s odd to say the very least. I find myself saying, just pretend that you’re still in India and carry on with your meditation, yoga, teaching, chanting, reading, volunteer work, and long lunches with friends. It actually takes some time to convince myself that it’s OK to be here. I’m feeling the energy of western life, the frantic pace, the entertainment saturation factor, the depressing economy. All those things I’ve missed out on for the past few months. So I have to keep checking in from time to time and remind myself that I am the one who has changed, not the world around me, and certainly not the surreal world of Southern California.

But in general, it is great to be back. Back in the comfort of my home, seeing friends again, and enjoying some of those things I desperately missed. Sushi and salads are 2 of the first things that come to mind.  But more importantly, quality time with family and friends.  

Traveling enables one to start to see the world through a different lens. This is something I am so grateful for. I find myself waking up each morning with an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.  Not only for my temperpedic mattress, but especially for all the gifts, freedoms, and endowments I have in this precious human life.

At this point I’m not sure if I will stay in LA or not. I’m open to whatever and wherever. In the mean time, I’ve started my own corporation, Timothy D Jordan, Inc. which hopefully will allow me to make a little money doing what I did before in Research. I’ve begun teaching a few yoga privates, and have begun developing an outline for teaching meditation. I hope to have a website up and running soon and see what happens from there.

In the mean time, patiently enjoying the process…mostly.

Monday, June 29, 2009

From South India to North Mississippi

It all seems a bit surreal to have traveled and experienced such extremes in the past few weeks.  I arrived back in LA at the beginning of this month and am spending the end of it at home with family in Mississippi.  

To be honest, I’m not sure I was really ready to be in LA again.   That’s why I quickly left. Or at least that was one of the reasons. The other being that I was giving a yoga workshop in Mississippi and I had to.  Upon my re entry I felt like all I wanted to do was isolate myself and process all that happened over the last 6 months. However, there just wasn’t time for that. I had a lot of work to do to prepare for my first teaching experience.  And not just one class, but a weekend workshop.

It sounded overwhelming at first, but as I started to prepare I realized I had learned so much I wasn’t sure I could pack it all in over a weekend.  However, as it always does, it worked out fine.  I think I got more out of it than anyone who attended the weekend.  Everyone was so sweet and complimentary. I don’t think I could have chosen a more supportive group of students than these kind, gentle southern souls.  Folks down here sure know how to make you feel welcome.  

So now what? I have no idea, but I’m having a great time gradually figuring it out.  Or not.  I think India has helped me to loosen my control grip on all those life detail things. I’m learning that it’s easier to simply adapt somewhat of a generic plan, move in the direction I want to go in, and let the magic fill in the blanks.  This plan worked for India, why not anywhere else.

I feel like I’m open to doing or going anywhere right now.  Mostly I want to teach yoga, meditation, and perhaps chanting. I’m so excited about the upcoming Krishna Das workshop next month. I do see myself leading Kirtan(sing and response chanting) in the near future. So this is a great way to start.

In the mean time, I know that I’ll need resources so I’ve started my own corporation.  This will give me the freedom to work intermittently and have time to develop my yoga teaching practice and anything else that may arise. Then there’s always the possibility of going back to India. Even though I don’t feel compelled to do that right away. However, all doors are open and possibilities are endless. I’m so happy to be exactly where I am, doing and not doing exactly what I’m doing. It’s good to be here.

 

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

BALI HIGH!

This could quite possibly be the most outrageous setting that I, or anyone for that matter, could sit and write a blog entry.  I’m sitting on the deck of my cottage at the summit of a mountain overlooking the entire Munduk valley in Northern Bali.  So many beautiful rice fields with the deepest, richest color of green I think I’ve ever seen. It’s about 70 degrees with a nice soothing mountain wind blowing.  Hinting of an approaching afternoon rain shower.  If this is not paradise I don’t know what is. How have I managed not to have come here before? I’ve talked about it for years but never managed to make it for one reason or another. I suppose now was simply the perfect time. And perfect it is. There simply aren’t enough superlatives to describe it.

I had originally planned to visit Bali on my way to India, but I couldn’t work out the itinerary in time. Thank Goodness. I’m sure I would not have appreciated its magnificence, as much had I not spent the last 5 months in India. I walk around with my mouth agape, constantly.  It IS the Garden of Eden.

Yesterday I started the day with my yoga practice, had breakfast at the cottage “restaurant”(see picture), went on a waterfall trek that was described as steep, slippery and challenging.  (No wonder my guide and I were the only ones there-which just added to the… uh, well indescribable moment.), took a long nap during one of those soothing afternoon rain showers that Bali has everyday, woke up in time for my massage, ate a terrific dinner at the restaurant which had an equally stunning vista, and finally and rather climactically, enjoyed an evening without electricity. Total darkness with nothing but a kerosene lamp and the sounds of nature.  I think without a doubt it was the most perfect day I’ve ever had.   What a nice explanation point on this journey of a lifetime!

I’m so grateful, so blessed, so fortunate, so humbled, and so happy to be indulging on these stunning sensory pleasures.  I guess this is the love portion of my “Eat, Pray, Love” saga isn’t it.  Quite simply, I don’t think my heart could be any more full of love that it is right now.   Especially when I think of all the people in my life who’ve contributed so much in helping me get where I am today, both literally and figuratively. Such a nice note to come home on.

SARVE BHAVANTU SUKINAH SARVE SANTU NIRAMAYAAH SARVE BHADRANI PASYANTU MA KASCHID DUKHA BHAG BHAVET

OM-May all be happy, May all be free from disabilities, May all look to the good of others, may no one suffer from sorrow. 

OM SHANTI (peace)

Monday, May 25, 2009

Farewell, India

Really, do I have to leave?

I feel so many things as I write this on my final night in this amazing country.  A lot of sadness in saying goodbye, yet so much joy in thinking about all the wonderful experiences I’ve had, and all the new friendships I’ve made.  Even in the past 3 days as I’m getting ready to go, I’ve met people who’ve inspired me and  gently nudged their way into my heart.  With the itinerary I’ve had over the past 5 months you’d think I would be used to this by now. But alas, no.  It seems that my routine all over India has been the following:  Get to a new place, feel uncomfortable, not really like it, want to leave…exhale…decide I can deal with it, start to like it, meet amazing people, fall in love with it,  develop lasting friendships,  and feel sad about leaving. 

There’s a Ruth Draper  monologue reference that comes to mind, that most of you want get and it would be too lengthy to explain here.  But  in short, I feel like the children she once took to a party.  They were crying at being forced to leave.  And in Ms. Draper’s hysterical, exasperated delivery, she states: “Well, you didn’t want to come, you didn’t want to stay, and now you don’t want to go.”  That about sums up my experience in many of the places I’ve visited here in India.  One would reason then, that it’s simply UNreasonable to listen to my feelings/mind, right. Unfortunately, I’m still listening, but at least I’m not taking them quite so seriously.

I’ve spent the past 5 days back at  Sivananda where I began this journey, reacquainting myself with the yoga I practiced when I arrived here.  It’s been so nice to complete the circle and end up where I started. I didn’t fully understand what happened that first month here in Kerala,  nor how I felt about it really.  But after Varkala, Goa, Varanasi, Bodh Gaya, Delhi, Rishikesh, Dharamsala, Bangalore, Mysore, Madurai, and finally back to Kerala, it’s much clearer.  All those questions, wondering, worrying, seem like nothing more than a distant memory.   It just goes to show me, once again that the answers don’t always accompany the questions. In fact they rarely do. But in time, with patient acceptance, a smile and a sense of humor, they come. Or they don’t, but their presence begins to matter less and less. That is what I’m taking away from Mother India. That and so very much more.   For years I’ve heard people talk about her gifts and her grip. Never could I have imagined their magnitude.

In closing, I want to thank all of you so much for the many many encouraging comments and emails that you sent during the past 7 months of blogging. Your words have been like  sweet nectar, and I’ve cherished them all.  I even saved them in a folder to take out when I get a little discouraged.   So thank you thank you thank you. You have no idea how much more special friendships are 10, 000 miles away.  Most likely I will continue to blog as it has been such a therapeutic experience for me.  However, I will not send out any more email notifications. So feel free to keep checking the site if you ‘d like. I’m really looking forward to reshaping my life when I return to LA. Who knows, I may be back in India sooner that I think.

OM SHANTI, 

Tim

 

 

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Time to Go

Well, it’s about that time. Time to do what I’ve tried 3 times already to do. Leave India.  I guess it helps that my visa is expiring because otherwise I think I would be 2nd guessing my 4th attempt.  This country has done to me what it seems to do to everyone—firmly embed itself deep in the hearts and minds of all who cross its borders for a life changing journey.

I had such a wonderful surprise today as one of my former colleagues at Merck drove over from Bangalore to spend the day with me.   Her visit came at such an opportune time.  It was so thrilling to hear of her impressions of India and to be able to relate mine to her.  I know now that I’m ready to leave.  For now at least. Talking to Miriam helped me to see the importance of giving continual life to this journey by sharing it with others.

So when I return to LA June 6th, I hit the ground running. I’ve agreed to teach a Sivananda yoga workshop at the end of June in my hometown of Tupelo, Mississippi.  Nothing could make me happier than to have my first “out of ashram” teaching experience in the place where I grew up. 

When I spoke to the owner of the studio a few weeks ago I suggested a class. She suggested a weekend workshop.  Why not, I thought.  Actually, I feel like I could teach an entire course with all that I’ve learned in the past 5 months.  So I’m ready, I’m really ready to go home. Not because I want to leave this magnificent country and all its richness.  And not because I’m homesick.  But because I know that I’m ready to teach. Finally ready to formally give to others what so many have given to me.  I’ve realized how incredibly fortunate I am to have received so many teachings and guidance over the past many years, that it would be irresponsible and selfish of me not to share it.   The image of the Michelin Man comes to mind when I think about receiving years of instruction and teachings without giving back.  I know that I could continue to inflate myself with more and more classes for the rest of my life, but I don’t want to spontaneously combust by holding all this knowledge inside.  There just comes a time when you have to give others the opportunity of benefiting from your experiences.  So for me, that time is now.

This bit of clarity really helps as I make my travel plans and say my good byes.  It’s going to be brutal leaving the kids at the orphanage tomorrow.  Anand, Krishna, Ulas, Vikshita, and especially Sundar, the 11 year old with Cerebral Palsy, such a beautiful gift he has been to me. This experience, along with many others, has been such an unexpected delight. I really thought I knew how this whole Indian thing was going to go when I first arrived here in December.  I would complete my yoga teacher training in February, tour India for 2 weeks, go back to LA, get a job, and maybe teach yoga somewhere, some time in the future. Oh, that makes me laugh.  How small of me.  How limiting. I’m so grateful that I have met  many people along the way who challenged and inspired me to think and dream bigger. What is it that you want with your life?  What would mean the most to you? And what if you could do anything that you wanted to do? Now all these wonderfully stimulating questions are starting not to seem so scary.  That actually excite me.  Mostly because now I know how to answer them.

 

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Mysore, month 2

That seems hard to imagine. Being in one place for almost 2 months. But what a difference it has made to be settled, to have a routine, to feel part of the community. So much that as I see my time here coming to a close, I’m starting to feel a bit attached.  A lot attached actually. And not quite sure I want to return to the States. However, since I don’t have a choice really(my visa expires in a few weeks),  I know I have to start making re entry plans. But not just yet.

My 2nd month here in Mysore has been a bit different and I’ve shifted my focus a bit. I really pushed myself in the yoga practice for 4 weeks and almost got a bit carried away.  Ashtanga is quite a rigorous practice, and I’ve seen that it can  bring out that old  familiar competitive, ego based nature.  It can be quite addictive. All the sweating, the focus,  the group energy,  the mind/body changes, etc.  But,  as yoga teaches, it’s about balance.  I just wanted to keep going and going, but my back had other ideas.  The soreness after 4 weeks forced me to take a few days off.  And how fortuitous those few days turned out to be.

There are 4 types of yoga taught in the scriptures that are often overlooked in the west: Raja yoga, which involves traditional yoga postures, Bhakti Yoga, which is more devotional in nature(singing, chanting), Jnana yoga involves philosophy, and Karma yoga, which is selfless service.  I figured this break was an opportunity to build on these other aspects of yoga. 

So I began volunteering at an orphanage about 5 minutes from my apartment, and taking chanting lessons from Indian music teacher. What a difference this has made in my experience here. Firstly, the kids are absolutely amazing. They range in age from 2-16 and all of them have been left by their parents in a field, on the side of the street,  or on a doorstep somewhere.   The stories are incredible. And when you see their faces, it’s impossible to understand how it could happen.   As soon as I drive up on my motor scooter(more on that later), they start screaming and running to greet me at the gate.  Suddenly, my back pain or sore wrists don’t seem to matter anymore.  My yoga becomes the kids.   I try to teach them a little bit of English as we play,  and surprisingly they pick it up pretty quickly.  But my favorite thing is saying Namaste to them. The 2 and 3 year olds place their hands at their hearts, smile,  and say Namaste back. We do this over and over again.  I just melt.

Secondly, I thought I was taking Harmonium lessons from this  wonderfully sweet Indian music teacher, but it turns out I’m taking voice lessons.  I told her I want to lead pujas( chanting) and I need to learn to play the Harmonium.  She had other ideas. So she’s been teaching me how to lead singing and be confident in my voice. When I got over the fact that I wasn’t going to get what I thought I came there for, I started enjoying it more.  Just another typical Indian experience.   It never really turns out the way you imagine.  Sometimes that’s good,  sometimes not so good.  But in this case it’s great.

One final note, the motor scooter.  I remember when I first arrived in India I was intrigued, or freaked out, as I recall about crossing the street in this insane traffic. My oh my how far I’ve come. Not only am I crossing the street, but I’m driving in it.  I think it’s actually improving my concentration and mindfulness though. It pretty much has to or  you won’t make it.  I never thought I would have the courage to attempt it, but I’m finding I quite like it now.  There’s the occasional Ox that you can’t get around. And you can’t really blow your horn when a cow makes a sudden right turn without signaling.   But other than that, everyone seems to have a mutual understanding of the controlled chaos of Indian traffic. 

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Out of the heat...sort of

Ok. I give. Game over.  Heat 1 me 0.  I decided a few days ago that I didn’t really need to suffer as much as I thought. After talking to a few folks, I discovered that there was actually a nicer suburb in the Mysore area called Gokulum. It reportedly has better and cooler accommodations.  It’s also home to the famous Pattabhi Jois Yoga Shala(studio) which is frequented by many westerners with a lot of money.  Madonna actually being one of them.   So there,  if it’s good enough for Madonna it’s good enough for me.

So I’m happy to report that I’ve moved on up to the east side where it’s really only slightly cooler, but at least it’s more comfortable.  I had forgotten how important comfort and cleanliness were to my state of mind.  It’s actually made a difference in my meditation practice as well, since I’ve been able to set up a beautiful shrine with candles and incense.

 I do have to say that I miss my Indian toilet though. For those of you who don’t know, an Indian toilet is basically a hole in the floor that you have to squat over to use.  They really help to develop lower back, leg and abdominal muscles.  Yoga on the toilet.  Something we don’t get to practice much in the West.  I’ll also miss the cows I walked past every morning on my way to the studio.  There’s a milking station of sorts on the side of the road right next to my old apartment.  Every morning the cows report to “work”, patiently wait for the owner of the store to milk them, and then wander on their way down the street to look for the day’s food.  I love greeting the sweet darlings. So I may have to go out of my way to see them tomorrow.  Cows are sacred here. Once you see them, you understand why.

I laugh when I stop to think about how different my day to day life is here compared to LA.  I’m trying to make sure I savor every moment as I move into my last month in India…this time.   Ah yes, as I dream about making yoga more of an integral part of my life, I believe more time in India is a distinct possibility. I start Harmonium lessons on Tuesday so I can lead Kirtan(sing and response chanting).   Who knows where I’ll end up.  I love putting out the intention, as new agey as that may sound, and seeing what happens. So many dreams So many possibilities . 

Monday, April 6, 2009

Reporting from the Deep End

Well it seems that this supposed last leg of my journey is proving to be the longest. I received word this week from my tenants stating that they will be staying until the end of June.  So I thought to myself, exactly what is it that I need to get back for? No job, no responsibilities, someone is paying my mortgage, and everyone I talk to says don’t come back the economy sucks.   I don’t know, but it seems pretty clear that I have the green light to continue doing what I’m doing.

It’s interesting though. I find myself at times longing to go home. I really miss the comforts of western life sometimes.  A lot of times actually. Especially in this heat. I was warned about being in south India past April, but had no idea it would be this hot. There is no AC in my apartment and the other night the electricity went off so there wasn’t even a fan.  I got 2 cold water bottles from the fridge and lodged them between my groin to try and cool off (an old trick from my ICU days we used for febrile patients.)Yes, it was that bad.

One of the first precepts in yoga is Santosha (the practice of contentment).   No problem doing this when things are going the way we want them to go, right?  But when the power goes off, and the oven is on full blast it’s a whole different level of practice.  A level here in India I’m faced with from the minute I get up to the minute I go to bed, and then some.

So I’ve been asking myself this question lately. Why do I put myself in these situations that push my buttons and challenge my comfort  level?   Having had some time to reflect on this the past week or so, I’ve been able to see patterns throughout my life. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve jumped into the deep end and come face to face with my limitations.  So to be perfectly honest, I’m not totally sure what the answer is. But looking at it in the light of  yoga practice, I think it has something to do with a topic I mentioned in a previous blog entry:  developing a new relationship with pain.  Because let’s face it, noone likes pain.  I mean for me, as soon as discomfort arises I want to change the situation somehow or run away from it.  I just don’t have a lot of tolerance for being uncomfortable.  However, that seems to be changing a bit.  My yoga teacher has taken me through the fire these past 2 weeks. From moments of terror to panic to tears to calm to serenity. Talk about a journey.  I’ve resisted and resisted emphatically stating “No, I can’t go deeper into the pose, I can’t relax. These are my limits , this is as far as my body will stretch. I can’t let go, it hurts too much.  STOP!“  But day after day he proves me wrong. And proves me wrong in monumental ways.  Knocking down every barrier I erect and showing me that the problem is my mind, not my body. 

I suppose the reward for putting myself in these uncomfortable positions, places and situations, is the joy that comes from watching them transform into comfortable positions, places and situations.  And the joy of watching my level of comfort  grow exponentially. No one said a spiritual life would ever be easy. In fact, it rarely is. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t be a joyful one. Even when it’s excrutiating and at times seemingly unbearable.  That is certainly what India has felt like to me on many occasions over the past 4 months. But apparently  I’m addicted to growth, and  can’t seem to get enough. So the journey continues. At least for another few weeks.

I leave you with the words of the wise master BKS Iyengar:

“Since pain is inevitable, asana(yoga) is a laboratory in which we discover how to tolerate the pain that cannot be avoided and how to transform the pain that can”

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Back to the South

After spending an amazing day at the Taj Mahal last week, I arrived back in southern India on Friday for the last segment of my trip. It’s been a challenging month to say the very least. I think if I would have asked anyone who has spent time here to review my itinerary, they would have advised against it.   In  retrospect, that would have probably been good advice.  However, having done it I must say I’m thrilled to have been able to experience so many different aspects of Indian culture. The down side is that it kind of took an emotional and physical toll on me. I don't feel like I can bargain for one more rupee. I’m pooped.  It’s true what they say, that the hardest thing about traveling in India is traveling.

So I’m finally in Mysore in the state of Karnataka not far from where I started out 3 months ago.  No more trains or buses for awhile. Just yoga and relaxation.   I feel so fortunate to have found this wonderful teacher of Ashtanga yoga, and will be studying with him for a month.   Ajay Kumar at www.yogamysore.com if you’re interested.  Ashtanga is  a very vigorous style of yoga that involves lots of movement and lots of sweating. Oh and pain, lots of pain. But good pain as my teacher says while standing on my inner thighs.   In spite of that, I must say I’m really enjoying this lifestyle of early morning meditation, 2 hours of yoga, 2 hours for leisurely breakfast with other students in the class, afternoon naps and reading, optional 2 hour afternoon class, leisurely dinner(again 2-3 hours), and early to bed.  I can’t think of a better way to finish up my time in India.  Actually I can’t think of a better way to live my life.  More on that later. 

It’s really quite wonderful to meet so many people from all over the world who have left corporate jobs and are seeking more spiritual depth in their lives.  Last night at our pizza/movie dinner there were 12 people from 11 different countries.  We laughed when we talked about how different our sense of what normal to us is now versus what it was before we came to India.  

I am so grateful for the series of events that led me to be here.  How often in life do we take an extended amount of time to actually do what we love to do?  That to me, is the greatest sense of fulfillment and an invaluable gift. 

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Dharamsala

Once again I find myself in Delhi, with what has become a bit of a refuge and recharging station. I have connected with this wonderful Indian family and have been renting a room from them in between my north Indian travel jaunts . They live conveniently next to the yoga center so I am able to get a bit spiritually recharged as well.

I’m happy to report that I made it to and from Dharamsala safe and sound. More safe than sound actually.   I ‘m exhausted and a bit rattled after 12 hours on a rickety old bus with broken seats.  But happy to have made the journey. I kept thinking about the sweet old Tibetan man sitting next to me. What must he have gone through in his life to be where he is now.  I heard so many stories in the past few days of how people had to eat grass in order to survive the journey into Nepal and finally  into India. They risked everything for freedom. It somehow made the bumps in the road seem not quite as significant. I was also amazed at how he seemed to sleep the entire trip. With what he must have gone through in his life, I’m sure that a bumpy bus ride wouldn’t enter into his consciousness as something uncomfortable.  Also, it was just really nice to be on a bus full of monks and nuns.  Regardless of the bumps.

We actually stayed in Mcleod Gang, where the Dalai Lama resides. Well actually Bhagsu, which is just north of Mcleod, well actually above Bhagsu in a mountain house next to a waterfall.  It was truly spectacular!  However, just a word of advice—when a trekking guide tells you the place you will be staying is rustic,  have an idea of what you think rustic is, and bring it down a few hundred notches.  I must say I bristled a bit when I saw that there was no electricity and no heat. Mind you, we’re about 6000 feet above sea level and I have a light jacket. Fortunately my friend had an extra sleeping bag.  So I put on all the clothes I could, lit some candles,  watched the stars a bit, and had a nice sleep. See! My adjustment time is getting quicker.  Like one of our teachers in the yoga training said, you should always be happy whether or not you are staying in a 5 star hotel or a billion star hotel. 

My friend from the yoga training took me on an all day trek the next day. See the pictures in the blog. I’ve never seen mountains like the Himalayas. They just go on and on and on.  It was a 3000 foot vertical climb, starting at around 6000 feet.  So it definitely pushed my limits.  Nevertheless the beauty, the quiet, the fresh air made it all worthwhile.   I’m continually astonished at all the different facets of this country. I get frustrated sometimes when I think of all the things there are to do and experience here.

My plan now is to head back south for about 3 weeks. I’m taking an Ashtanga yoga course in Mysore to round out my yoga experience. After that, I’m not sure. But at least I can rest from traveling for a bit and stay in one place. That is a nice thought. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Rishikesh

As usual per my experience in India, Rishikesh and the International Yoga Festival turned out to be something much different than what I expected. Eventually, I hope to learn just not to have expectations and go with the flow. But I still have a ways to go with that one.

My trip in sleeper class from Delhi to Rishikesh is where the adventure started. I knew going in sleeper class(kind of like 4th class) would be a bit of a challenge. I just didn’t expect to share it with rats and roaches. Oh well, the people were delightful and as have been all my train experiences thus far. And I ended up making friends with everyone in my compartment. The train stopped about 5 miles outside of Rishikesh because the engine died, so I just used the time to get to know my new friends better.

Finally made it to the ashram and the Yoga Festival in stunning Rishikesh. The festival itself was a bit too western and not to my taste, but I met loads of  yoga teachers and was able to get a lot of helpful information about teaching.  The thing I think I loved the most about the week however,  was getting to go to a few orphanages and schools in the area. I was able to visit a school for boys whose parents all had leprosy. It’s still considered a stigma in India, even though it’s not contagious. The boys are not able to attend public schools since their parents are shunned from society.   It was really unimaginable to all of us who spent the day with them. It made me want to get my teaching credentials so I could come back spend more time with them.  Such a powerfully moving experience!

I’m now off to Dharamsala on an overnight 12 hour bus ride. I’ve been told to say a lot of protector mantras for this trip since Indian bus drivers tend to be a bit…shall we say aggressive. I’m going trekking  in the Himalayas with a guide I met during my teacher training.  I’ll be back in Delhi on the 15th and then off to the Taj Mahal for my birthday on the 16th. Not a bad way to spend my 48th I suppose.  

OM TRAYAMBAKAM…(the beginning of the protector mantra

Friday, February 27, 2009

Recovering in Delhi

There’s no question that India has changed me forever. I feel so inadequate to put into words all the things that have happened in the last week or so. But here goes.

I left Goa and flew to Varasani, whose history dates back to 1400BC. Mark Twain wrote that “Varanasi is older that history, older than tradition, older even than legend and looks twice as old as all of them put together. “  It is the city of Shiva, the holiest place in India situated along the Ganges river.  According to Hindu mythology, if one dies and is cremated here, nirvana is achieved.  My experience was so vivid the night I went to the burning ghats(place for public cremations), this is what I came home and wrote:

Varanasi burning ghats.

Met a lovely Dutch couple on the street today and compared our travel experiences.  We decided to meet later that night at puja( offering, prayer ceremony) on the Ganges. After dinner we went to see the burning ghats.  There was no electricity in the entire city,  so the sky was pitch black .The fires from the cremations, about 20 of them, provided the only light. .We went on the roof of an adjacent building and sat for hours watching, mesmerized, transfixed on this ancient practice. We were informed that it has been taking place 24 hours a day for over 3500 years. We marveled at the apparent seamlessness of it all. No outward grieving.  Just men from the family standing around watching. Women aren’t allowed.  Apparently,  about 100 years ago one of them jumped into the fire with grief . We felt rather insignificant watching this very sacred event.  A stark reminder of the fact that our body’s are really just vehicles for consciousness. Just a mass of bones and flesh that are so easily and quickly reduced to a pile of ashes.  Actually it takes about 3 hours for one body to be completely incinerated.  Everything but the chest of the men and the pelvis of the women. When the fire has consumed everything else. These bones are carried to the Ganges with 2 sticks and are thrown in.  That’s it, then a new body is placed on the same spot after more water from the holy Ganges is thrown over the ashes.  It’s so hard to fully describe the impact of this visual experience.  I’m so humbled to have had the privilege of witnessing it. I think it will stay with me for the rest of my life. Our lives are very brief and not nearly as significant as we sometimes like to think.  No need to really worry about the things we worry about is there?

Ok , so that was Varanasi. Then I took a train to Bodh Gaya, the place where Buddha attained enlightenment.  Only the train was about 5 hours late, which meant I would get to Gaya at 3am, then have to take a 30 minute rickshaw to Bodh Gaya.  Not advisable since the Bihar district is the poorest and most lawless in India.  Everyone on the train started to go to sleep around midnight, and then I start thinking,--how am I going to know when we are in Gaya? There’s no announcement, the signs are in Hindi, and everyone is asleep.  My new friends, 8 of them in my compartment, just laughed and said, “set your alarm”. Really? OK, well maybe I’ll end up in Gaya maybe Calcutta. But sure enough, 3am came and the train started slowing down. That’s when I met this captain from the army , Vinay, who decided it was his duty to take care of me. He was my guide and protector. Noone even approached me coming off the train. Vinay cleared the path. It was amazing. He  helped me get to the hotel, gave me his phone number, and told me if I had any problem during my stay in India to call him. WOW! Incredible kindness.

Bodh Gaya was like Buddhaville. Buddhists from all over the world. Beautiful temples, statues,  and of course the bodhi tree. I spent all day underneath it. Doing some meditation and just enjoying the energy. A very powerful experience.

Unfortunately, the food in Bodh Gaya and my western GI tract did not see eye to eye.  Fortunately, since I was staying with the Cambodian monks I had met in Sarnath the previous week, I was well taken care of.  They brought me food(what little I could keep down), water,  and medicine. They basically had a mini pharmacy with them, antibiotics and all. Needless to say, Cipro has become my constant companion.

So now I am resting in Delhi for a few days, reflecting a bit on all the events of the past few days.  My stories seem to be consistent with other westerners I’ve spoken to here.  The most magical things happen in the midst of the most unfamiliar. For me, it’s just learning to let go of control and be wowed over and over again.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Arambol Update

Once again my resistance turned to surrender and I ended up loving my time in Arambol. The town didn’t change  much, or any for that matter.  And the weird factor was ever so present. But after 2 or 3 days when I realized I was doing everything I wanted to do,i.e. meditating, yoga, watching sunsets on the beach every night, eating wonderful Goan food, hanging out with friends from the ashram, and meeting more interesting people from all corners of the world(even had a date for Valentines Day), I changed my view. I was suddenly very happy and very grateful to be in such a magnificent setting. Pigs, cows, chickens, hippies and all.  

Things only got better from there. The Iyengar course really resonated with me.  So much that I am now making plans to go to Dharmasala in April for more.  I leanrned so much about  body alignment and finding repose in the pose, as Mr Iyengar says.  I feel like I have a new relationship with pain after this course. The course was very challenging physically, but so rewarding.  I guess it’s not too much of a surprise that I connected with this practice. It’s  very meditative. Extremely technical, but calming at the same time.

So I’m off on another type of adventure for the next week. Varanasi, the holiest city in India, Bodh Gaya, the site of the Buddha’s enlightenment, and  hopefully to Agra to see the Taj before heading to Rishikesh.

India continues to fascinate, challenge and take me to higher and higher levels of adaptation. Who thought I would be so comfortable in a $8/night hut with a fan, mosquito net, and a cold shower. But really, what else does one need?

 

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Greetings from the circus known as Arambol, Goa

It’s really the only way I know how to describe this place.  Goa is known for being a hangout for society dropouts and hippies, but I never knew a place could be so wacky. In short, I’m not crazy about it at all.  In fact, I would say that I hate it except that it’s so damn entertaining.  I’m trying to just laugh and have fun with it. Actually, it’s no effort at all to laugh because everything is hysterical.

For example, I pull up in my taxi to the guesthouse recommended by my friends and am greeted by wild pigs, dogs, chickens and cows everywhere.  Kind of like “Green Acres”, Indian style.  So I’m thinking well, OK this isn’t Varkala Beach where I spent the last week, but hey I can adjust, right? I’m here for a yoga intensive so I should be able to deal with anything, right?  I’m staying in a hut for about $10/night so I feel like I can’t complain.

I found my friends  and went to dinner on the beach, which was wonderful.  Wonderful except for the very loud mix of disco and rock music.  Oh and new age music with ecstatic dance.  Lots of white people with dred locks and not an Indian in site.  It all seems very far away from the ashram, which we are missing terribly at this point.  So we headed for a quite end of the beach after dinner, had a glass of wine, and reminisced about our teacher training days in the ashram that we thought we’d never miss. 

So today I hear about this “amazing” yoga class on the roof of a hotel by the beach.  It’s taught by Vijay, who has been practicing for 35 years and everyone raves about him. Well, I don’t want to miss it so I head over a bit early. Then I found out that Vijay has a substitute, a French woman with a very thick accent. I fight my disappointment and decide to take the class anyway. Another opportunity to adjust. Well, that’s when the fun began. The “studio” was fascinating. On the roof with no railings or barriers.  So when Sylvie asked me to come to the front far right, I was a bit hesitant. Mainly because there was at least a 20 mile/hour wind blowing debris everywhere and I imagine that the next gust of wind will blow me off the 4 story building. But I again think, no, just adjust and move.  But it just got more and more comical. I couldn’t do the sun salutations because I couldn’t see the teacher through the debris, couldn’t hear her instructions, and my mat kept flying up hitting me in the face. But I kept going because I’m intrigued and am laughing at all the challenges.  I mean really, can anyone in this class concentrate? So just when the wind settles down a bit, I hear all this noise on the grassy knoll below. There’s not 1, but 2  pigs chasing a rooster. The rooster is going nuts, which excites the dogs and they start chasing the pigs. Holy moly, this really IS a circus. OK I’m really trying to bring my attention back to my breath and the class, but just  happened to look over my shoulder and noticed this stunning Italian gentleman wearing nothing but a pair of work out shorts.  At this point I’m thinking I’m never getting through the class.  I thought I had seen everything, but this has pushed  the sensory overload button.  You see, we had a strict dress/conduct code in yoga class at the ashram.  Covered shoulders and covered knees for everyone, and no noisy farm animals.  I am certainly seeing the advantage of that now, and missing it terribly. I have enough distractions in my mind. I don’t need any additional sounds or visuals.  So just when I think it can’t get any worse, these crazy crows start flying through the “studio”.  Geez, now I’ve gone from Green Acres, to Tarzan, to The Birds. All in one yoga class.   Bring back the Ashram, Please!!!

Oh well, at least it’s been entertaining . Not really what I had in mind when I thought of getting more yoga training.  What’s the meaning in all this? I have no idea. Perhaps the message is that I have the training I need for the moment.. I don’t know. Perhaps just relax and enjoy the show.  One thing I do know however, Goa is not my kind of place.  The training starts Friday. I may be long gone from here by then or I may hang on for more entertainment.

Stay Tuned. 

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Lessons Learned

Contrary to what I often felt over the past month, I actually did make it through the training.  I am now officially certified to teach yoga. YEA!  That last week proved to be the most grueling, yet in retrospect, most rewarding.  Reflecting a bit on it now, I think I thought I had reached my nadir at the end of the 3rd week, i.e. "I can't take it anymore!"  It was at that point that Maniji, our beloved teacher, asked us what we wanted to do during our 4pm asana(yoga)class. Most of the time we he asks that we scream, "sleep", or "swim". Actually just a break of sorts...anything.  I mean at this point we've been going full guns from 5am-11pm for 3 weeks. Scarcely time to catch our breath.   So what does he say but, "OK 108 Sun Salutations, ready inhale, exhale."  You have got to be kidding me! I thought, no way. Not this late in the day, not this late in the training. NO, NO, NO!!!!  But then as I began to surrender and got through the first 15 or 20, I started to feel good. Then after 50, I was flying. When 1 got to 108, I was ecstatic, and felt like I could go on and on and on. That's when I realized how wonderfully wise our teacher was. Not that I hadn't realized it before, but this was once again a nice confirmation.  

There are an endless amount of examples like this, where frustration turned to joy when shifting from resistance to surrender.  It happens both on and off the yoga mat.  It's why I love this practice so much. It helps me to look at my mind.  A painful process sometimes, but rewarding nonetheless. 

So now what?  Well, that's what I'm wondering. So I'm taking a few days to relax at the beach in the resort town of Varkala with some friends from the training. I plan to stay here through the weekend and then head up to Goa for some Kundalini and Iyengar yoga intensives. I figure why not get exposed to as many styles of yoga as I can while I'm here. Tentatively here is my plan for the next few months: After Goa, I want to visit a friend at an ashram just outside of Mumbai, then head east to visit Varnassi and Bodh Gaya. Next, I'm going to the International Yoga Festival in Rishikesh March 1-7, then perhaps do a bit of trekking in the Himalayas( I met  a guide during the training). Finally, I will head back south to Mysore for some Ashtanga yoga training and then do some teaching at the Sivananda Yoga Center in Madurai. That brings me to the first or middle of April when I will head back to LA...in principle. 

I am meeting some incredibly inspirational people from all over the world during this journey. So many people who are doing with their lives what they love.  As for me, I'm continuing to loosen that control grip I've held on to so tightly, and allowing the magic to happen. Truly it's just like the ad campaign states, Incredible !ndia. 

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Final Stretch

Can I make it? WOW! It's really getting tough. Much tougher than I thought it would be. However, in spite of the intensity, and the chronic mental and physical fatigue, I had a wonderful experience teaching my first class this week. The only glitch was that I got stuck in the middle of sun salutations and couldn't remember what came next. Oh well, at least I had a very forgiving group of students. I get another opportunity on Sunday.

Today we have another free day so a few of us headed to the beach for a bit of a much needed break. Sometimes I just feel like I can't keep going, but the support from the other students really drives me to keep pushing. Such a wonderful group of practitioners. I've started getting up a bit earlier as well, to do more practice. My crazy elephant like mind is all over the place sometimes, so I feel more and more compelled to spend time on my meditation cushion. It's absolutely essential and has become quite a treasure to me.

Our highlight of the week was doing Kriyas yesterday. Kriyas are yogi cleansing exercises that basically involve washing your nose out with warm water, sticking a tube up your nose and pulling it out of your mouth, and then swallowing as much salt water as you can until you throw up. Sounds fun, huh. You should have witnessed the scene at the lake. 180 people coughing up snot and puking all over the place . It was really crazy and I must say, amusing. Needless to say, a day at the beach today was totally in order.

So much to process and no time to do it really. So I will have to wait until the course is over next Saturday before I can really share the depth of this experience.

Until then.

Namaste.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Ashram Update

Just a few words this week as I have to prepare for teaching my first yoga class tomorrow.  We've just made it to the half way point in the training and not a moment too soon. Every muscle in my body is aching from 4 hours of yoga a day, and sitting on the floor for every meditation and lecture, as well as for meals.  However, I am teaching my first class tomorrow and am very excited. It's so nice to finally be able to put together all the things I've learned into a nice flowing sequence. Boy, do I have a new appreciation for all my teachers. It certainly takes a lot more concentration that I ever imagined. And the words, WOW!  English is my first language and I struggle with words. 

I was sick all last week with some sort of Indian gastrointestinal bug that pretty much wiped me out. It was interesting to try and work through that and continue with the schedule. Normally, I want to pull the covers over my head and check out. However, here I just continue to go to class and try not to resort to that habitual mind, "Oh my God, I'm going to die". It's amazing how much sicker we make ourselves with our mind.  So everyday that I feel good, I express so much gratitude. This schedule is intense when you're well, being sick is a whole different story. 

I'm learning so much, even though it's painful at times. Resistance surrender, resistance surrender. That is my practice. That is yoga. OM NAMAH SHIVAYA

More later, 

OM.

Tim 




Friday, January 9, 2009

Life in the Ashram

There is so much to tell I hardly know where to begin. The connection here is really slow and I don't have much time, but I'll do my best.

I arrived here on New Year's Eve after one of the most gruelling, yet exciting cab rides I've ever been on. I'm amazed at the lack of fear these guys have. It's quite a thrill to put your life in their hands and just enjoy the ride. The ashram itself is absolutely stunning. It's nestled in the mountains, yet it's full of palm trees. The weather is very similar to LA in fact. It's just a dream environment for meditation and yoga. It was so nice to begin the year with a celebration of fireworks and Indian dance by the lake with so many lovely people from all over the world. It truly is a United Nations experience. There are 180 people in the Teacher Training Course and about 100 more here on Yoga Vacation. German, Japanese, and of course Indian represent the largest contingent. After that, the majority represented are from other countries in Western Europe and America. However, the group that intrigues me most is the Iranian group. There are about 15 of them here, all learing yoga to take back to their country. It's one of the most inspiring stories I collected in my experience here. I can't describe to you how powerful and emotional it was for me to be sitting next to them chanting Siva mantras. Kirtan( sing and response chanting) is really the time I am the happiest. Also to be doing it with so many people is really indescribable. Imagine 300 people from different faiths all over the world chanting OM. Yeah, it's something!

Each day starts at 520 am. Meditation, chanting and lecture 6-730am. Yoga 8-10am. Breakfast 10-11. This is also my Karma Yoga assignment, serving meals. We are all required to do 1 hour of selfless service a day. I love serving the food. We eat on the floor, with no utensils and no napkins. And yes, that means we eat with our hands. We chant Krishna mantras before eating. Then we eat in silence. There are so many experiences I'd love to relate to you about this, but I'll have to save that for another entry. Like running away from wild dogs while emptying the slop bucket. Barefooted I might add. Whew, close call. Then we have chanting class from 12-1, where we learn the significance of the mantras, 1-3 is a philosophical lecture, teaching asanas from 4-6, dinner from 6-7, Meditation, chanting, teaching from 8-930. Lights out at 10pm. Well sort of. My roomate and I usually stay up till 1130 talking about our practice and doing homework. Suffice it to say that the schedule is intense. Exhausting even. However, I also feel envigorated and full of energy at the same time. It's difficult to describe, but it's generally what happens when you meditate regularly. More energy, more alertness, more peace. Oh yeah, sore knees and sore back. It's not all blissful. My body, and more importantly my mind, are going through so many changes. Yet, I'm just happy to be in this environment with so many others who are commited to bringing more peace into their lives and thus bringing more peace into the world. It gives me such hope that we really can make a difference.

I feel like I could write about a book about all the people I've met here. Their stories inspire me to deeper levels of practice. It has made me realize that teaching Yoga( asana) perhaps is not the main reason I am here. I'll leave you with words of wisdom I received this morning from Nilesh, one of the teachers here. " Always make problems and adjustments your best friend. Then you will always be happy."

OM NAMAH SHIVAYA