Tuesday, August 28, 2012

What Kirtan means to me

Recently, my kirtan teacher and mentor asked the following questions:

Around kirtan:
1. What is most important to you?
2. What do you care about most?
3. What wants to come alive through you?
4. What are you committed to?
5. What is your deepest love?

These were my responses:
1. That I will be a vessel for the sacred to emerge.
2. That because of #1, people will be able to touch this sacred space within themselves.
3. My connection to that place that is beyond limitation.
4. To stepping up, to serve the greater good through mantra and music.
5. Sitting in inner stillness, in reverent devotion while singing my heart open to everyone who can hear it.

In addition, and after a bit more reflection on inner stillness, I realized that that is what I love most about kirtan. All day long my mind is churning out thoughts, making plans, regretting the past or trying to recreate it, looking forward to something, seeking, searching, wondering, wishing. Then there’s the emotional component: feelings of longing, craving, grasping, clinging, separateness, anxiety, worry, frustration, anger, fear, dread, and on and on it goes. Some days these feelings are intense, some days they are barely noticeable. But noticeable nonetheless.

However (thankfully there’s a however), when I sit down in front of the harmonium, the chatter and the above mentioned feelings all start to dissolve. Nothing matters to me in that moment but being able to sing these sacred sounds. And it’s from that place, that this stillness emerges. Stillness enveloped by Shri Ram Jai Ram. A soothing tonic begins to flow over me from the vibration of Gam Gam Ganapataye Namaha. My heart open to so much love. So much love that if feels like there aren’t enough receptors in the heart to contain it. Nothing matters but this. And in that moment, all I want to do with my life is sit and marinate in it.

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