Employment Eve

I’m coming up on my year anniversary of joblessness, and am filled with awe.  Awed at how wonderfully magical, inspiring, terrifying, and challenging it has been.  I think back to that weekend in March 2008 with Tony Robbins when I gave myself freedom to dream, freedom to imagine, freedom to set out on the adventure of a lifetime.

I remember vividly during the weekend we participated in something known as the Dicken’s Experience.  In short, it goes something like this:  imagine your life in 5, 10, 15 and 20 year increments. Imagine that at each of these milestones you are still holding on to the same fears and insecurities that limit you in the present moment. And that even after 20 years you are still resisting and settling for comfort. Settling for the illusion of the known, the safety of the familiar.  Now imagine all the people who will NOT have the opportunity to benefit from your kindness, your gifts, your love, your passion, your vision. Imagine all the people who will continue to struggle and suffer with pain and inner turmoil because they never had the opportunity to see how richly a life could be lived.   They never had the opportunity to meet YOU. You didn’t spend time with them helping them along their path because you were afraid of what people would say. Afraid that you would suck if you tried something new and looked silly. Afraid that you would fail. Afraid that you wouldn’t be loved. Imagine how all that would feel after 20 years.  Imagine how it would feel when you arrived at the end of your life. Imagine.

YEAH! Motivational, huh. It certainly got me out of the door and on my way.  That, and Merck giving me the boot. Thank you, Merck.

Not to say that I don’t still struggle with the aforementioned, because I do. To some degree, I’m confronted with those fears almost every day of my life. But as Vipassana Meditation has taught me. You don’t have to respond to it. Observe it, recognize what’s going on, and keep moving. Dance with the fear. Have to, since it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. Might as well make the best of it.  If someone asks you to do something, just say yes, and figure out the “how to” later.  I’m trying it and it’s actually working.  I’m teaching yoga to Seniors now. And really loving it.

So once again, I’m on the eve of yet another transition. The world seems to be in constant motion and so am I.  Consequently stillness can sometimes appear elusive.

Spaces and gaps are not my favorite places.  But finding stillness in the motion most certainly is.