Farewell, India

Really, do I have to leave?

I feel so many things as I write this on my final night in this amazing country.  A lot of sadness in saying goodbye, yet so much joy in thinking about all the wonderful experiences I’ve had, and all the new friendships I’ve made.  Even in the past 3 days as I’m getting ready to go, I’ve met people who’ve inspired me and  gently nudged their way into my heart.  With the itinerary I’ve had over the past 5 months you’d think I would be used to this by now. But alas, no.  It seems that my routine all over India has been the following:  Get to a new place, feel uncomfortable, not really like it, want to leave…exhale…decide I can deal with it, start to like it, meet amazing people, fall in love with it,  develop lasting friendships,  and feel sad about leaving. 

There’s a Ruth Draper  monologue reference that comes to mind, that most of you want get and it would be too lengthy to explain here.  But  in short, I feel like the children she once took to a party.  They were crying at being forced to leave.  And in Ms. Draper’s hysterical, exasperated delivery, she states: “Well, you didn’t want to come, you didn’t want to stay, and now you don’t want to go.”  That about sums up my experience in many of the places I’ve visited here in India.  One would reason then, that it’s simply UNreasonable to listen to my feelings/mind, right. Unfortunately, I’m still listening, but at least I’m not taking them quite so seriously.

I’ve spent the past 5 days back at  Sivananda where I began this journey, reacquainting myself with the yoga I practiced when I arrived here.  It’s been so nice to complete the circle and end up where I started. I didn’t fully understand what happened that first month here in Kerala,  nor how I felt about it really.  But after Varkala, Goa, Varanasi, Bodh Gaya, Delhi, Rishikesh, Dharamsala, Bangalore, Mysore, Madurai, and finally back to Kerala, it’s much clearer.  All those questions, wondering, worrying, seem like nothing more than a distant memory.   It just goes to show me, once again that the answers don’t always accompany the questions. In fact they rarely do. But in time, with patient acceptance, a smile and a sense of humor, they come. Or they don’t, but their presence begins to matter less and less. That is what I’m taking away from Mother India. That and so very much more.   For years I’ve heard people talk about her gifts and her grip. Never could I have imagined their magnitude.

In closing, I want to thank all of you so much for the many many encouraging comments and emails that you sent during the past 7 months of blogging. Your words have been like  sweet nectar, and I’ve cherished them all.  I even saved them in a folder to take out when I get a little discouraged.   So thank you thank you thank you. You have no idea how much more special friendships are 10, 000 miles away.  Most likely I will continue to blog as it has been such a therapeutic experience for me.  However, I will not send out any more email notifications. So feel free to keep checking the site if you ‘d like. I’m really looking forward to reshaping my life when I return to LA. Who knows, I may be back in India sooner that I think.

OM SHANTI, 

Tim